Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
