I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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