FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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