you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
