meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
