you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
