Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
