I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
