sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Girls should come with a carfax report
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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