we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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