Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i need an iv and a liver transplant
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
