barbara walters just said penis...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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