I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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