R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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