The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
