fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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