haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
