Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
