Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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