I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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