We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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