Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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