I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
