I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
