New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
