i think i have herpe
just one?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
