I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
