Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
