How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize