Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bring money and cleavage
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
