idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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