i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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