I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
