She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
