i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize