We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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