you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
