so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize