Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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