I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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