if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
