my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Farmville is her only friend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
