All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
