I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
