this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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