So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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