Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
