Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
