R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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