So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a hot homeless man
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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