it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
