Are we in a gay sports bar?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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