Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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