the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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