I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love you. Go after that dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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