WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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