I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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