So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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