Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
