If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
