You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
