were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
