Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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